[ Like hell he didn't. Maybe that's another difference between them, but Buck was attached to the hip with his Steve. He knew every move that mook made. So, he feels a little vindicated in his snappy attitude when this other mook makes himself at home on Buck's "smart phone" as Tony called it. ]
Aw man, should I be jealous? Do we need to break up? Call it quits? Bite the bullet?
[ Truth be told, Steve hadn't been clear on whether or not they were friends to begin with. Is that something that was just assumed, even if they came from different worlds and were friends with their counterparts? Clearly he'd been overthinking this. ]
I'm not sure when you'll get the chance to talk to him, but he's got a few years on you.
[ Otherwise they've all been through "a lot," and Buck can't imagine Steve distinguishing their trials and tribulations through the Pacific and European theaters from his partner's. ]
[ The question is, how much does Steve even say? He has no idea if getting captured and tortured by Hydra is somehow in this Bucky's future too. He doesn't know enough about how parallel universes work to even guess. ]
It's not really my place to talk about it, and I'm not sure how much he'll want to say either. He's got a good ten years on you, though.
[ It takes about two days for it to occur to Billy that Bucky might be avoiding him. To be fair, he woke up alone and was mildly disappointed. It took the effects of the moon wearing off to realize there might have been a reason for that. ]
[ Billy sighs and watches his phone as he tells him “Bucky is typing” but nothing comes through. That answers that question. He lets it’s go for now, tossing his phone to the side and hoping he didn’t alienate the one good friend he had here.
He lets it sit for a day before he can’t let it go anymore and he’s out the door. Showing up at Bucky’s unannounced and knocking on the door. ]
[ Bucky knows exactly who it is, but he's already disappeared into the shadows twice. He can't in good conscience do it a third time! It's not even life or death here! That's what's so sad. He would rather be strapped to a chair with the Red Skull monologuing his evil plans to him than face upsetting a new friend because he has issues!
Eventually, though, the door is unlocked and Buck slides it open to peak his head out. His face just radiates hand-caught-in-cookie-jar guilt. ]
Is this an appropriate situation to say, "It's not you, it's me?"
[ Billy knows that, but he figured it would get Bucky to let him in. And it did. They needed to have a talk. He walks in, past his friend and turns, stopping Bucky before he really gets going. ]
No, no it’s okay. I should be the one to say sorry. I shouldn’t have....look I know you’re not into- that and I shouldn’t have pushed. I don’t normally-
[ He runs a hand through his hair, a frustrated noise leaving his mouth. ]
I took advantage of you and I’m sorry. I should have known better. But the moon and- that’s not an excuse. So. I’m sorry.
No way, I don't let people take advantage of me, so you didn't. [ He squashes that apology ASAP, because that is not something he'll let anyone hang over him. Buck can take care of himself, even it's completely fabricated. ] It was... Oh man, I—I don't know.
[ When he woke up, face buried in the crook of Billy's neck, something very deep down screamed out. It was every voice from the barracks at Lehigh who ever laughed or spit on homosexuals. Any show of weakness was like a drop of blood in the water gathering sharks to a feast. They were branded inverts and plenty of them never made it through basic training. ]
It was like some fight or flight reaction and I took the coward's way out. I saw my father's face, and I knew it was just one more disappointment for him.
[ He wants to reach out, lay a hand on his shoulder, squeeze his arm, even take his hand, but he doesn’t. He’s not sure if he should. He knows somewhat of what Bucky was probably thinking when he woke up. He’d seen into his memories, felt what he felt. And even if he hadn’t. Bucky was from the 40s. Billy should have known better. ]
You’re always going to be a disappointment if you keep letting him rule your life.
[ Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but it was the truth. Bucky worked so hard to not disappoint someone who would never see him, someone who could never give his approval even if he wanted to. ]
Look. I’m not saying you need to figure this out now. But it’s not- it’s okay if you had fun. It’s okay if suddenly there are things you are questioning. I’ve been there. And it’s ok if you decide it’s not for you. Either way you’re my friend and I care about you. But you can’t live your live trying to please a ghost. Live it for you, however you want to.
[ No, he shouldn't have, but thankfully Billy keeps talking, so all Buck can do is wrinkle his nose as he softens that blow. ]
I am. What I do affects the whole world. I mean, how many people can really say that? I don't have time to... to have questions. And why would I have questions? I'm not... you know.
Back home maybe, but not here. You get a break here. You know can do what you want here. I don’t know, why would you have questions? You’re the one who ran out, and whose been avoiding me.
[ Billy crosses his arms over his chest. ]
Gay? You can say it, no one is going to punch you for it. And no, I don’t think you are, but there isn’t only gay or straight.
[ He smartly shuts his mouth before the words "I wasn't avoiding you" spring free and Billy smacks him. But he will say this: ]
Uhh, you either like girls or you don't. [ That's the long and short of sexuality, bruh! ] I mean, I've seen fellas in France, you know, get what they can get, hush-hush, but they're not gay.
[ billy has to remind himself that Bucky is from the 40s, still the urge to facepalm, or shake him is there. He takes a breath. ]
So. A lot changes over the next few decades. There’s a huge gay rights movement, things become legal, and sexuality gets explored. Nowadays there’s more than gay and straight. Some people are bisexual. Meaning they like both men and woman, and that’s normal, and okay. Some people are attracted to a person and not a gender.
[ Bucky believes him, sure. He believes that Billy knows that it's normal. They piloted together and it left permanent marks on his psyche—one being the love between Billy and Teddy. There was nothing deviant or twisted about it. And during their stint on Amegahara it felt good to be a part of that love.
But even then, a lifetime of stigma against those that are different or womanly is hard to shake. Bucky would never stand for abuse of any kind; it's quite different, though, when you're the one now feeling less than normal. ]
So, what does this mean? Am—Not that I'm saying I'm gay or "bisexual," but... what would I do now? What's it make me?
It just makes you Bucky. It doesn’t change who you are. Just gives you a few more options in the bedroom department. [ He’s not sure he’s cut out to be the one giving him this talk but he’s the only one here and he’s trying not to fuck it up. ]
Look, you don’t have to decide anything, I just don’t want you to turn away from being who you are. But we’re friends, first and foremost. So stop avoiding me.
[ Ok, so, he still freaks out a little under Billy's arms, but it doesn't last long. The warm tingling feeling of chroma being shared between them melts all his worries away like a dose of morphine. ]
So this is okay? It's not weird now?
[ Seems pointless to ask since it's clear Bucky doesn't really want to let go. But he wants to make sure what this means. How does one be friends with a gay man without reading into their casual touches or affections. Should they be creating a set of rules? ]
All right... [ Buck takes a big, deep breath and then lets it out. Somehow it's that simple in Billy's mind.
And if after a few minutes Billy tries to extricate himself, he'll find it won't be so easy. Bucky's arms squeeze him tight to keep him in place. ]
Wait. Hold up. I never get to hug people anymore. [ It's an odd sentiment, but true. Who the hell does he have to share a moment of brotherly affection with back home? Steve sometimes, but he's a little old to beg for human contact. And like hell Namor would; not that Buck would ever give him the satisfaction. He'd rather eat his own foot than ask Namor for a frickin' hug!]
[ Billy doesn’t protest, he just pulls Bucky closer and lets the other boy sink into the embrace. It’s nice, and not just because they are sharing chroma. Billy misses having friends he can just hug or casually touch, and he’s glad that it seems that hasn’t changed between them. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Do tell, Tiger!
I'm all big brown eyes!
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But the Bucky I know from home is here.
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Aw man, should I be jealous?
Do we need to break up?
Call it quits?
Bite the bullet?
We can remain friends, right?
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[ Truth be told, Steve hadn't been clear on whether or not they were friends to begin with. Is that something that was just assumed, even if they came from different worlds and were friends with their counterparts? Clearly he'd been overthinking this. ]
I'm not sure when you'll get the chance to talk to him, but he's got a few years on you.
[ To say the least. ]
And he's been through a lot.
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More so than just a war you mean.
[ Otherwise they've all been through "a lot," and Buck can't imagine Steve distinguishing their trials and tribulations through the Pacific and European theaters from his partner's. ]
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[ The question is, how much does Steve even say? He has no idea if getting captured and tortured by Hydra is somehow in this Bucky's future too. He doesn't know enough about how parallel universes work to even guess. ]
It's not really my place to talk about it, and I'm not sure how much he'll want to say either. He's got a good ten years on you, though.
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Would I recognize him?
Er, me
Is it like looking into an aging mirror?
[ Basically, Buck wants to know if he gets hotter. ]
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His hair's longer, though. And he's got a metal arm.
[ That's something that this Bucky will inevitably see, so Steve doesn't think there's a problem with warning him. ]
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That must definitely be a look.
For sure.
Did he lose it during the war?
Is it a metal prosthetic?
It's not a robot arm, is it?
[ That would pretty frickin' slick, actually. ]
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[ Now Bucky has one that had been specially made for him in Wakanda, so it's even more impressive than it had been before.
And Steve's just going to not answer that first question. Sorry, little Buck. ]
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No offense, it sounds a little hard to believe.
But you're not one for lying to me.
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Are you planning an official introduction, or something?
[ 'Soon' seems a strange word choice. Bucky is honing in on it, ready to dissect it if need be. ]
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[ Or Bucky will decide to seek out his other self to see what's what. And really, that could go both ways. ]
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[ He'll accept that answer. ]
This'll be interesting.
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I am a gentleman!
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[ It's his job to give anyone named Bucky a hard time. ]
Text; 9/11
Hey.
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Heya, pal.
What's going on?
[ PLAY IT COOL, BARNES ]
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And I've just been busy is all.
Last few days I've been real busy.
Sorry about that.
[ Oh God, is that believable?? ]
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[ Bucky is typing... ]
[ Bucky is typing... ]
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He lets it sit for a day before he can’t let it go anymore and he’s out the door. Showing up at Bucky’s unannounced and knocking on the door. ]
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Eventually, though, the door is unlocked and Buck slides it open to peak his head out. His face just radiates hand-caught-in-cookie-jar guilt. ]
Is this an appropriate situation to say, "It's not you, it's me?"
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You realize when people say that they actually mean “it’s totally you”?
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Um. So, s...orry about not responding to your last "text message." I meant to. Really. But...
[ "I freaked out" is left unsaid. ]
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No, no it’s okay. I should be the one to say sorry. I shouldn’t have....look I know you’re not into- that and I shouldn’t have pushed. I don’t normally-
[ He runs a hand through his hair, a frustrated noise leaving his mouth. ]
I took advantage of you and I’m sorry. I should have known better. But the moon and- that’s not an excuse. So. I’m sorry.
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[ When he woke up, face buried in the crook of Billy's neck, something very deep down screamed out. It was every voice from the barracks at Lehigh who ever laughed or spit on homosexuals. Any show of weakness was like a drop of blood in the water gathering sharks to a feast. They were branded inverts and plenty of them never made it through basic training. ]
It was like some fight or flight reaction and I took the coward's way out. I saw my father's face, and I knew it was just one more disappointment for him.
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You’re always going to be a disappointment if you keep letting him rule your life.
[ Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but it was the truth. Bucky worked so hard to not disappoint someone who would never see him, someone who could never give his approval even if he wanted to. ]
Look. I’m not saying you need to figure this out now. But it’s not- it’s okay if you had fun. It’s okay if suddenly there are things you are questioning. I’ve been there. And it’s ok if you decide it’s not for you. Either way you’re my friend and I care about you. But you can’t live your live trying to please a ghost. Live it for you, however you want to.
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I am. What I do affects the whole world. I mean, how many people can really say that? I don't have time to... to have questions. And why would I have questions? I'm not... you know.
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[ Billy crosses his arms over his chest. ]
Gay? You can say it, no one is going to punch you for it. And no, I don’t think you are, but there isn’t only gay or straight.
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Uhh, you either like girls or you don't. [ That's the long and short of sexuality, bruh! ] I mean, I've seen fellas in France, you know, get what they can get, hush-hush, but they're not gay.
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So. A lot changes over the next few decades. There’s a huge gay rights movement, things become legal, and sexuality gets explored. Nowadays there’s more than gay and straight. Some people are bisexual. Meaning they like both men and woman, and that’s normal, and okay. Some people are attracted to a person and not a gender.
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But even then, a lifetime of stigma against those that are different or womanly is hard to shake. Bucky would never stand for abuse of any kind; it's quite different, though, when you're the one now feeling less than normal. ]
So, what does this mean? Am—Not that I'm saying I'm gay or "bisexual," but... what would I do now? What's it make me?
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Look, you don’t have to decide anything, I just don’t want you to turn away from being who you are. But we’re friends, first and foremost. So stop avoiding me.
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Oh for god sake. [ He mutters, reaching forward and grabbing hold of Bucky’s arm pulling him forward into a hug. ] C’mere.
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So this is okay? It's not weird now?
[ Seems pointless to ask since it's clear Bucky doesn't really want to let go. But he wants to make sure what this means. How does one be friends with a gay man without reading into their casual touches or affections. Should they be creating a set of rules? ]
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It’s okay. [ He pauses, almost guessing what Bucky is probably thinking. ]
I’ll make you a deal. Everything we do is totally platonic from now on, unless you want it to be something else. The decision is yours.
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And if after a few minutes Billy tries to extricate himself, he'll find it won't be so easy. Bucky's arms squeeze him tight to keep him in place. ]
Wait. Hold up. I never get to hug people anymore. [ It's an odd sentiment, but true. Who the hell does he have to share a moment of brotherly affection with back home? Steve sometimes, but he's a little old to beg for human contact. And like hell Namor would; not that Buck would ever give him the satisfaction. He'd rather eat his own foot than ask Namor for a frickin' hug! ]
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We can hug whenever you want.